


We Found Wonderland

by princessdiana



Category: Fifth Harmony (Band)
Genre: Angst, Based on a Taylor Swift Song, F/F, Mentions of alcohol and drugs, Songfic, im sorry for the angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 19:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5468102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princessdiana/pseuds/princessdiana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: Based off of Taylor Swift's Wonderland. Trigger warning: drugs & alcohol</p>
            </blockquote>





	We Found Wonderland

_we found wonderland_

_you and i got lost in it_

Lauren’s hands were in Camila’s hair as she pressed the smaller girl up against the wall. Their lips connected and she swore that Camila’s lips tasted like a mixture of honey and coming home. She couldn’t help the way that the hazel eyed girl made her mouth upturned into the biggest grin and her entire face lit up like fireflies in June.

As they both pulled away from the kiss, Lauren whispered, “You’re fantastic.”

Camila blushed and buried her head into the crook of the other girl’s neck.

“I don’t want to go,” she mumbled. “I want to stay like this forever.”

_and we pretended_

_that it could last forever_

“You _know_ it’s more than just us making out,” Lauren snapped at Camila.

“Lauren, please don’t do this,” Camila pled. “Don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”

“ _Y_ _ou’re_ the one making it hard!” Lauren screamed, throwing her hands up in the air, and her green eyes filled with fury that scared Camila.

“You know I love you,” Camila mumbled. “Just not…”

“Not like that,” Lauren said, sarcastically, finishing Camila’s sentence. “You sure seemed to like me last night.”

“That’s not fair,” Camila argued.

“You know what’s not fair? You playing with my fucking feelings,” Lauren countered, seething with anger. “You can’t just kiss me and fuck me when you’re lonely. I’m not going to be there to keep your bed warm anymore.”

Camila gulped, filled with guilt and leaned in to touch the older girl’s arm.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” Lauren said, through gritted teeth.

The smaller girl flinched at the harshness of her voice. She’d never seen Lauren so angry and spiteful.

“But - ”

“But nothing,” the raven haired girl said, firmly. “This is _your_ fault and you _know_ it.”

_didn’t you flash your green eyes at me?_

Camila gulped as she looked at Lauren from across the room. They hadn’t talked in almost two weeks unless they absolutely needed to. The younger girl was the one who started to push the other away. She regretted it but she couldn’t change what she did. She looked down, trying to avoid Lauren’s gaze – not wanting to get drawn in by her emerald eyes that made her heart melt every time. Lauren, however, had her eyes fixated on Camila. Camila felt a pang of guilt when she saw the sadness and jadedness in her eyes. The orbs that used to be emerald, looked like fading moss. Her eyes looked more grey than green. Camila wished she could see Lauren’s smile reach her eyes again. Those eyes were Camila’s biggest weakness. She missed Lauren, when she was already there.

_haven’t you heard of what becomes of curious minds?_

Camila looked at Lauren intently, studying every facet of her face while the other girl wasn’t looking. She wondered what it’d be like to wake up to a face like that every morning. She wondered what it’d be like to kiss her and get her signature red lipstick smeared all over her – _no_ , Camila told herself, Lauren was her friend. She can’t think of a friend like that. To her dismay, Lauren noticed her staring and raised a questioning eyebrow at the younger girl.

“What’re you looking at? Do I have something on my face?” Lauren asked, scrunching her nose.

“No, I just…I don’t know,” Camila mumbled, focusing on her hands instead. “I guess I was just…looking…at you.”

Lauren smirked, which made Camila’s stomach flutter with butterflies and she tensed up.

“I mean I _am_ nice to look at,” Lauren replied smugly.

Camila didn’t do anything other than just nod in agreement. She looked at Lauren’s face again. More distinctly, her lips. Her full, plump, kissable lips. No. She forced herself to look away again and Lauren frowned.

“What’s wrong?” she asked Camila, worriedly.

“I…it’s nothing,” Camila lied.

“No, tell me,” Lauren whined. “I hate it when you don’t tell me things.”

“You don’t want to hear this, okay?” Camila said, her voice shaking.

“Yes. I do.”

“I was staring…at your um…your lips.”

Lauren’s eyes widened and her mouth opened as if to say something but she was rendered speechless. _Great_ , Camila thought to herself, I just drove her away. However the younger one was in for a surprise when the other girl gulped and leaned in and softly brushed her lips against Camila’s. Her red lipstick got on the corner of the other’s mouth.

“Sorry,” Lauren whispered, blushing, taking her thumb to Camila’s lip and wiping it off.

“What…what just happened?” Camila asked.

“I think you know what just happened,” Lauren said, matter of factly. “Did you like it?”

Camila nervously nodded and braced herself for Lauren’s reply. She suddenly felt her lips being kissed again, only with much more passion, and to her delight, Lauren’s tongue. They explored each other’s mouths, trying to remember every bump and curve and sweet spot. They pulled away from each other, both out of breath.

“That was…wow.” Camila said, still breathing heavily.

“I know,” Lauren said, smiling.

That was the first of many kisses the two would share. They would share them in hotel rooms, closets, dressing rooms, anywhere they could find. Both of them thought that they were just curious what it was like to kiss a girl. Who doesn’t wonder about that? But it clearly became more as time went by.

_didn’t you calm my fear with the cheshire cat’s smile?_

“It’s okay, Camz,” Lauren whispered, as they locked the dressing room door. “No one saw anything.”

Camila was still fidgeting with her fingers when Lauren intertwined their hands. She gave the smaller girl a reassuring smile, telling her that everything was going to be fine. Lauren herself wasn’t exactly self assured, but she knew how to keep Camila assured. She knew all the smiles and words to calm her down. She wasn’t sure if it was going to be okay, but there was no way the dark haired girl was going to let this end. She needed to convince both of them that nothing could change but it did all seem too good to be true. Camila gave Lauren a small smile, and nodded. Soon enough, they were kissing like their lives depended on it. No matter how unsure Camila was before the kiss, all the doubts had gone away when she felt her breath being sucked away by Lauren.

_and whispers turned to talking_

_and talking turned to screams_

“Can we please talk about this?” the younger one asked meekly.

“You want to talk,” Lauren said, with a wry laugh. “That’s fucking _rich_. _Now_ you want to talk? I don’t want to hear what you have to say. You have had _months_. You don’t _deserve_ to talk to me.”

“I know,” she said, tears stinging in her eyes. “I know I don’t deserve it. But please, can we try to fix it? Please, Lo?”

“Don’t call me Lo,” Lauren sneered. “Only my friends can call me that. And you’ve been anything but one.”

“Please, please, please,” Camila begged.

Lauren was suddenly pushed against a wall and Camila was kissing her, hungrily. The older girl wanted nothing more to continue the kiss. But she couldn’t. She used all of her strength to push Camila away. And then she did something she never thought she would do. She slapped Camila. She made a red mark as the other girl gasped and covered her cheek.

“You can’t just kiss me,” Lauren said, now also on the verge of tears. “You can’t not talk to me for months and then kiss me because you’re lonely. God, you haven’t changed at all.”

Camila was still rubbing her cheek and feeling the sting on her skin. But the sting on her skin was nothing compared to the sting of the older girl’s words. She looked at Lauren with the most heartbroken hazel eyes. She was now choking on a sob. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re sorry,” Lauren repeated, laughing. “Two months and you can only say you’re sorry.”

When she got no response from Camila, she pivoted on her right foot and promptly walked away, and convinced herself to look away.

_cause nothing’s as it seems_

_and everything’s spinning out of control_

“Camz?” Lauren asked softly, her voice faltering.

Camila jumped at the sudden sound. Lauren hadn’t called her that in so long. The younger girl felt her heart breaking and swelling at the same time. She missed being called that, she missed everything about them – if there even was such a thing as a ‘them.’

“Yeah?” she replied, trying to sound stoic, as to not fall apart.

“I…never mind,” Lauren said.

“I miss you too,” Camila said, curtly. Even after all of this time, she could read Lauren like a book and be on the same wavelength as her. “So much, Laur.”

Camila reached out to stroke Lauren’s arm, but the other girl flinched at the contact. Both of the girls seemed to be on edge, not knowing what to do or say. They couldn’t go back to the way they were, that much was clear. But they couldn’t continue on the downward path they were going.

“I can’t do this,” Lauren admitted, breaking the unfathomable silence. “I…I can’t do it anymore. I don’t know what to do when we’re in the same room. I don’t know what the hell you want from me. First, you say we’re ‘just friends’, then we’re not friends at all, and then you kiss me and now we’re back to not friends at all. What do you want me to do? Do you want me to be your friend? Do you want me to be there at your beck and call when your lips are bored? Do you even know what you want? I can’t figure you out anymore.”

“I want you,” Camila whispered. “In any way. Just not…not like _this_.” 

_you search the world for something else to make you feel like what we had_

It was three in the morning, and it was one of the nights where Camila couldn’t sleep. She finally gave up and made her way into the kitchen to get herself something to eat. Around three thirty, she heard keys jumbling and messy footsteps. She got up from the stool, and tiptoed to where she found Lauren stumbling around, grasping for something to hold onto.

“Lauren?” Camila squeaked. “Are…are you drunk?”

Of course Camila knew the answer to this. She always knew the answer. It wasn’t like it was the first time she saw Lauren drunk. It wasn’t like Lauren was spiraling out of control and coming home drunk to the apartment where the five girls stayed at every night. It wasn’t like Camila could see Lauren fall apart before her very eyes.

“None…none of your business,” Lauren slurred out, swatting Camila’s hand away. “Who cares if I’m drunk and high? You’re not my mom.”

“You’re high too?” Camila’s eyes widened and filled with worry.

“Only…only one line,” Lauren grumbled.

“Lauren,” Camila said, her voice cracking. “What the fuck are you doing?”

“I told you - it’s none of your business.”

“It is my business!” the younger one snapped. “You’re throwing your life away, Lauren! Why are you doing this?”

“Sometimes…the burn of the alcohol reminds me of you,” Lauren whispered.

_i reached for you but you were gone_

_i knew i had to go back home_

Camila dragged a begrudged and hungover Lauren to the couch. The green eyes were barely open and her hair was a mess; to be frank, she looked like shit. It was no wonder, with all the partying she’d been doing over the last month.

“What do you want?” Lauren groaned.

“We have to talk,” Camila said, seriously. “Lauren, I’m so worried about you. You’re going out every night and coming home trashed. The other girls are worried too. We love you.”

“Did you seriously wake me up at eight AM for a fucking episode of Intervention?” Lauren huffed.

“Please, you need help,” Camila said, her Hazel eyes filled with concern.

“I’m not taking any help from you,” Lauren fired back. “You’re one of the reasons I got into this downward spiral in the first place.”

“That’s…that’s not fair,” Camila gulped, feeling guilt overtake her body.

“Huh, you always say that,” Lauren said, with a mirthless laugh.

“I don’t know what to do to make things better,” Camila admitted. “I’m sorry about everything. But what else can I do?”

“Nothing,” Lauren sighed, defeated. “You can’t do anything!”

“You’re right.” Tears were now forming in Camila’s eyes as she looked at Lauren intently.

She leaned in to kiss Lauren one last time. Her lips brushed the older girl’s tenderly and suddenly tasted Lauren’s tears.

“I’m sorry,” Camila whispered as she repeatedly kissed Lauren. “I’m so sorry.”

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Sorry for the angst but this is something I’ve been working on since March and I’m pretty proud of it. Thank you to Tegan (pizzaoctavia on tumblr) for giving her feedback. If you haven’t read her fic, Slytherins Do It Better, what are you doing with your life?


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